Lately I’ve been thinking about what makes me happy. No, not just the fact that being a college student can be a wild fun time or that I have no idea what I’ll be doing next year(maybe that is more frightful that thrilling to most).
In general I am a happy person. My life is great and I have a lot to be grateful for. Besides the “I’m a serious girl” first impression many people get before they realize I love to be silly and spontaneous, among the key phrases people say I am is, “you’re always smiling.” For me this is a good sign since I’m not one to constantly hide behind a mask of happiness. When I’m happy, you will see it. When I’m upset, you might feel it (I’ve been described as bringing a thunderstorm into a room as well as the warm sun).
Again, I won’t deny that I feel especially blessed. I won’t deny that opportunities are in many more corners for me than for many others. But that isn’t what truly makes me happy. This kind of happiness must stem from something deeper, unseen, and often not spoken enough about. It’s an understanding of sorts, or an attitude you could say.
As an imperfect, puny, and ignorant human in many aspects, I know I’m not entitled to anything. What do I deserve? Nothing if I’m to be honest. Yet there is so much beautiful creation available around me – man-made and natural. I wonder if that is part of having a childlike heart? Not only to have faith, but to see the world, despite it’s perversions and brokenness, in curiosity and delight? It’s not as if I’m impressed with everything I see but I find the good that they do, give, or is.
The point is that I’m grateful. That’s what makes me happy. Even though I’ve lived through family splittings, financial instability, and details of life that still make me cry, I have never been abandoned. I’ve always been comforted. And there’s always healing and grace even when I’m to blame. So how can I not have a heart of gratitude? God has blessed me with the big and small so the least I can do is give thanks. Nothing can replace the joy and peace offered to me. And one of the best parts about being grateful is that I focus less on myself and my desires and can focus more on others and their needs and wants.
But I definitely do not mean to say just be content with what you have and do not try to progress yourself or the world. It’s more of a call to enjoy the process of getting from point A to point B because that’s really what your whole life is -from birth to death, a process.