A mellow Christmas, lovely none the less.
I was a bit disappointed coming into our 3 week winter break. Up until the Monday of finals week(last week) I thought we were going to L.A. but found out that was no longer the case and that for some reason we would go to Las Vegas instead for ten days or so. I was pretty sore about it especially since I was working on a big project all day that day and the news made it difficult to focus. I’d been looking forward to going to California since way back when my dad had started talking about and then made it sound finalised during Thanksgiving.
To be honest, I feel like I should be used to this, knowing my dad. I still felt resentful, though not surprised. My brother and I were already making plans to meet some people who were also going California for the break. Having to tell my friends I wasn’t going was probably the next worst part because as much as I looked forward to going to California, I was even more excited to scope the area with friends.
I questioned what on earth we would be doing in Las Vegas. What was there to do there? Gambling? Watch lewd shows? I then heard that there are more family friendly activities there and that the food is really good. To avoid getting too bummed I resigned myself enjoy the break as I usually did, whatever happened.
Then the following Wednesday I called my dad and he told me would not, in fact, be going to Las Vegas. That we not be going anywhere. That it was not cost effective to go anywhere(insert exasperated internal cry of the obvious). There is no need to explain the details. Plainly, it was a waste of excitement and disappointment.
So I am here in Chicago. Pretty much stationary within the city. I’ve been out for grocery shopping and shopping mostly. There have been a lot of holiday sales so that’s nice. It’s been good to relax from academic responsibilities, although I have been doing some reading already for next semester since I have a lot of it ahead of me for my classes. People are kind. I’ve been eating a lot too and doing some of things that I enjoy but don’t spend time doing at school. There have been difficulties too, griefs and temper flares, but that is to be expected at times. What is most encouraging is the reminder that even though I do not deserved anything -not diddly squat, God still loved man enough to have his perfect Son live among us and die for our death penalty.
Really the salvation of Christ and complete faith and obedience is all I need but I still cherish possession that are not my own. What is mine? All that is good is from God so why do I still hold onto things for myself? Nobody owes me a trip to California. Who said this break was my own? Heck, the Word never even says our life is our own.
And so I end with a mixture of feelings at once curious and irritating. Still I know who I am so that is what I will focus on.